A Fresh Start.

Gonna delete the other blog.. just transferring thing, i guess..

Just a few months in kmpk, a lot had happened.. Things that i had not expected at all.. like the death of my loved one.. His death really brought a huge impact on me that i felt me too, died that day.. That Friday morning, i went to class, holding back my tears as hard as i could.. i could still remembering when the tears rolling down my cheeks involuntarily in class. It was so hard to stop it when it started flowing.. With the tears leaving my eyes, my motivation to live followed it too..

I started to feel like a lifeless corpse.. like i was some kind of zombie.. i was feeling guilty for every joy that i had in this world when he was gone. I could not help to feel that death is impending so what is the point of living? Masochistic, huh? i guessed so.. i was making my life harder for myself..

I started to lose the will power to fight, to strive for my own success. i felt like i forced myself to live because i could not bare the fact knowing exactly that how my parents would feel if i followed my late grandpa's fate. i lived for others. My priority was others' happiness that unbelievably i was getting used to pretentious smile carving on my face as i knew that was the only way to see my parents, friends and family happy.

However, when you pushed yourself too hard, the hypocrisy would be easily uncover. Someone saw through me.. Saw the grief, sorrow growing in me.. He was getting worried.. He was throwing a bunch of optimistic advices at me. But, as pessimistic as i was, i ignored him.. ( Sorry, jie.. no heart feeling^^)

Then, months had passed.. nothing changed.. Until, the first day of my final semester exam(pspm1), a red car.. was driven so fast.. and i was so distracted with the last paper, that i did not watch carefully before i crossed the road. In a split second, i saw the car just was inches before me. I swear i would have be dead if i got panicked and frozen there. But, fortunately reflexively i ran as fast as i could. Gosh, my life was spared.. Suddenly, things started to looked different. Everything was so beautiful. Life was so short and i did not want to lose any seconds pitying myself for things that happened beyond my control.

Now, everything changed. I am having a fresh start.. like some sort of reborn. Granpa, once i was lost.. With your death, our promises and all seemed so frail and fragile. But now, somehow i knew.. You had reached out and showed me a new path. You are trying to tell me that i should enjoy my life, that i have the right to be happy, the right to seek for my own joy, that i am not bound to our promise. My life and happiness are the priority. Thanks, grandpa. for protecting and watching over me.. Thanks, God.. for giving me a new life, a fresh start..