Sorry

After my dad returned from school, we took milo to the vet clinic. We had discussed over this matter for a few weeks and i started to see eyes to eyes with my dad- we decided to take milo to vet to inject her some kind of hormone to make her infertile for 3 months. I would have to leave for matriculation soon, of course my family would take me there. There was no one to take care of her, so we would take her to my realative's house perhaps. They had a lot of cats there, males and females. I was quite worried that she might get pregnat so I accepted my dad's suggestion without further argument.

With milo on my lap, my dad drove us to Tumpat Vet Clinic. She seemed a little bit confused and alarmed in the car as we hardly take her else where, she had always been an indoor cat. With me petting her, she seemed a little bit relax but she could not stop from peeking through the window from time to time to see the outdoor environment. When we arrived there, i put her down from my arms. The veterinarian was busy treating another cat- total black. The vet said the cat was illness had reached a critical stage. So, he gave the cat 2 injections and some white powder to consumed. But, because the cat could hardly eat or walk, he doubted if it could survive any longer.

After the black cat's owner took it home, it was milo's turn. We asked the vet about the infertility injection, he told us that she would be infertile for 3 months but it would affect her lust. In other word, she would still attract male cat and carry out intercourse but she would not be fertile enough for the embryo to take form. I felt a bit worried after listening to the vet's talk, i was afraid that my young and innocent milo would be cheated by "scornful males"..

Then, he took out a stringe and asked us to hold her legs. At first, i was supposed to hold the fore limbs but she kept struggling and escaped from my insecured grip. She was meowing in fear, i was shocked, she was panicked that she even wanted to bite me. At that moment, i just wanted to release her and give up on the idea of injection. But my dad stopped me by switching places, I was in charge of the hind limbs. Milo was struggling so hard not because of the needle.. But.. she was never been forced to stay put. When we was holding her limbs, she was startled. Automatically, her reflex action wanted to be freed. As she was meowing in pain with our tight grip, involuntarily tears began to form in my eyes. I felt so bad for agreeing with this decision. She was scared, terrified. I never intended for this to happen. Then, when i was holding my tears with effort, the fine needle pierced through her thick fur swiftly. Within seconds, the needle was out and we let go our grips. She jumped up immediately, looking stunned and horrified. She was on Defense mode, wanted to bite my dad's palm. But, after we all caressed and called her name a few times, she became better.

My dad paid the vet rm15 and we headed home. In car, she was sitting on my lap, unmoved. She must be paralysed by the shock. I felt really guilty with the shock and pain she had to go through that tears could not stop from rolling down my cheeks. I made an agreement with my dad today. No more things like that for her. I looked at her eyes, the pupils was a thin black slit( she was still alarmed, scared and prepared to fight back anytime) I held her tightly in my arms, kissed her a few times, rubbing her softly. With her starting to calm down and return to normal self.. i still could not find another words to utter besides, "milo, i'm so sorry"